The Power of Praise: When and How to Use It
The Power of Praise: When and How to Use It
Praise is one of the most powerful tools adults can use to support emotional health in young children — but many parents don’t realize how much impact it really has. The right kind of praise builds confidence, strengthens resilience, encourages effort, and supports a healthy sense of identity.
But praise can also backfire when used incorrectly.
Used too often, or in the wrong way, praise can:
Make children dependent on approval
Trigger performance anxiety
Reduce risk-taking
Undermine intrinsic motivation
Create “people-pleasing” behaviors
This article will help you understand the science of praise, when to use it, how to phrase it, and why small shifts can profoundly change your child’s emotional development.
Why Praise Matters in Early Childhood
Between ages 2–8, children are developing core beliefs about:
Who they are
What they’re good at
How they fit socially
Whether effort matters
Praise becomes a mirror that reflects how kids see themselves.
What children hear repeatedly becomes:
part of their identity
part of their self-talk
part of their inner confidence story
That’s why intentional praise matters.
The Science of Praise
Neuroscience research shows that praise:
activates reward pathways in the brain
strengthens emotional regulation
builds persistence centers (yes, literally)
improves frustration tolerance
But the type of praise changes the outcome:
✅ effort-based praise = stronger resilience
❌ performance-based praise = fragile confidence
Children praised only for outcomes (like winning or being “smart”) often:
fear failure
avoid hard tasks
give up quickly when challenged
Children praised for effort develop a growth mindset — they believe they can improve with practice.
For more on supporting progress over perfection, explore How to Celebrate Learning Progress, Not Perfection.
What Kids Hear When You Praise
When adults say, “Good job,” children hear:
“You performed correctly.”
When adults say, “You worked hard,” children hear:
“You’re capable of improvement.”
Children don’t just want praise. They want meaning.
Effort Praise vs. Outcome Praise
Try praising:
effort
persistence
strategy
patience
problem-solving
bravery
kindness
Examples:
“You kept trying, even when it was tricky.”
“You figured out a new way to solve it!”
“You waited patiently for your turn.”
Praise what the child controlled — not luck or natural talent.
Avoid Labels That Box Kids In
Labels like:
“You’re the smart one”
“You’re the sporty one”
“You’re the artistic one”
…sound positive, but limit identity.
Children may stop trying new things if they fear losing the label.
Instead:
“You get better with practice.”
This encourages exploration — not restriction.
Don’t Rush to Praise Too Quickly
Surprisingly, too much praise can:
interrupt concentration
reduce intrinsic pride
teach kids to perform for adult reaction
Instead, wait for moment after accomplishment.
Give the child time to feel their own pride first.
Then:
“How do you feel about your work?”
This shifts focus inward — not up toward adult approval.
Praise the Process, Not the Person
Instead of:
“You’re so talented!”
Try:
“You tried so many different ways!”
Focusing on effort teaches kids they can improve skills.
Praise Doesn’t Always Need Words
Praise can be:
a smile
a nod
a high-five
gentle eye contact
a thumbs-up
Nonverbal feedback helps shy or introverted children feel supported without spotlight pressure.
Connection Praise vs. Performance Praise
Performance praise = “You did the task.”
Connection praise = “I enjoy being with you.”
Kids need both.
Try:
“I loved watching you play!”
“I’m proud of how you included your friend.”
These build empathy and social awareness.
For more on strengthening empathy, explore Storytelling Games That Teach Empathy.
When Praise Surfaces Jealousy
Sometimes praise directed at one child triggers:
jealousy
withdrawal
irritation
sibling rivalry
Normalize feelings:
“It’s hard when someone else gets attention.”
Reassure:
“Everyone gets their turn to shine.”
This approach mirrors strategies in Helping Kids Name and Understand Jealousy, which pairs beautifully with this article.
Be Specific: The Golden Rule of Praise
Vague praise (“Good job!”) gives no information.
Specific praise teaches:
which behaviors to repeat
what actions matter
cause and effect
Examples:
“You shared your toy when your friend was waiting patiently.”
“You cleaned up without being asked!”
These build internal pride.
Use Praise to Highlight Kindness
Social emotional development thrives when we praise:
helpfulness
compassion
patience
generosity
inclusion
Examples:
“You noticed she was sad and helped her feel better.”
This builds identity around kindness — not performance.
Don’t Overuse the Word “Proud”
Kids sometimes develop pride only from adults, not internally.
Balance with:
“You must feel proud of yourself.”
This builds inner confidence.
Praise Effort in Conflict Situations
When kids calm down after frustration, praise the recovery, not the meltdown.
Try:
“You took deep breaths and used your calm voice.”
Praise the regulation strategy — that’s how emotional intelligence grows.
If you’re working on healthy conflict language, see When Kids Say ‘I Hate You’: What They Really Mean for automatic pairing.
Praise vs. Rewards
Praise is internal motivation.
Rewards are external motivation.
Too many tangible rewards can lead to:
bargaining behavior
“What do I get?”
decreased creativity
Use rewards sparingly. Use praise generously — but intentionally.
Praise Shouldn’t Fix Everything
Don’t use praise to:
distract from real feelings
rush sadness away
cover disappointment
If a child says:
“I’m sad I didn’t win.”
Avoid:
“You were great!”
Try:
“It’s okay to feel disappointed. You worked hard.”
This honors emotional honesty.
How Much Praise Is Enough?
Aim for:
Quality over quantity
Specificity over excitement
Growth focus over perfection
Empathy, diligence, patience, and cooperation matter more than constant achievement.
Praise That Encourages Challenge
When kids avoid difficulty, try:
“Hard things make our brain stronger!”
Or:
“Mistakes help us learn.”
This reduces fear of failure and increases willingness to try.
Final Thoughts for Parents
Praise is far more than positive words. It’s the shaping of identity, resilience, and emotional strength.
When you:
praise effort
notice kindness
highlight patience
support persistence
reinforce emotional recovery
…you’re growing emotional muscles that will carry your child through life’s challenges.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be intentional.
And if you’re reading this, you already are.
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